NURTURE YOUR INNER CHILD

NURTURE YOUR INNER CHILD

“Hold the hand of the child that lives in your soul. For this child, nothing is impossible.” Paulo Coelho

Your childhood forms the foundation of your mental health. It creates a blueprint for who you believe you are and how you see the world around you. Some memories will be positive and some will be difficult and challenging.

What is the Inner Child?

Your inner child is that part of you that for whatever reason maybe didn’t have their needs met as a child.

When we have a strong emotional reaction to something we’re reacting to the present moment because of our past and it’s often your inner child that’s been triggered.

For example, let’s say your boss criticises you for a project you worked really hard on and you feel flooded with emotion - this may be triggering your inner child and your limiting belief ‘I’m not good enough’.

You may be able to access some core memories to help understand your emotional reactions but most will be completely unconscious.

“Your “inner child” is a part of your subconscious that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories and beliefs from the past as well as hopes and dreams for the future”

No parent is perfect, even the most loving parents make mistakes and of course childhood can be tough in many ways. Nurturing your inner child is a powerful way to bring inner peace to your internal world and give your mental health the boost it needs.

Tapping is a great place to start. Watch the video above to start the healing process.

HOW DO YOU CONNECT TO YOUR INNER CHILD?

"By reparenting our Inner Child, we can release and heal the pain from the past" Margaret Paul

If you’re not sure what your inner child is feeling today, follow this process:

Step 1: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then visualise yourself as a little child sat in front of you. Notice what they're wearing, and what they look like.

Step 2: Ask that little child how they're feeling today and notice what they say.

Step 3: Open your eyes and in your dominant hand write down the question - how are you feeling today?

Step 4: Put the pen in your non dominant hand and write the answer. Notice what comes up.

Step 5: Put the pen back into your dominant hand and write down these words - I am here for you now, you are safe, you are loved.

If you're still not sure what your inner child is feeling you can gently ask yourself these questions.

* Did I feel heard as a child? Did I feel like my parents / caregivers listening to what I had to say? Or did I feel dismissed?

* As a child did I feel seen? Or did I feel ignored?

* Were my emotions always validated? Or was I shamed for expressing how I felt?

* Was it ok to be sad, angry, scared, frustrated.... as a child? Was it safe to express my emotions?

* Did I feel safe as a child? (Emotionally and physically)

* Did I feel loved by my parents?

* Was the love unconditional or was it based on outside factors? (e.g achievements or things I did?)

* Did I feel like I had to prove my worth? (with grades, achievements, being a good girl/ boy, acting a certain way, behaving in a certain manner)

* Was I ever made to feel like I wasn’t good enough?

* Did I ever feel abandoned?

* Did I ever feel shamed, criticised or judged?

* Was I ever hurt (emotionally and physically)?

Or you can try listening to the Inner Child Guided Meditation Below

AFFIRMATIONS FOR YOUR INNER CHILD

Speaking directly to your inner child through meditation, journalling, tapping or any other means is a powerful way to make them feel seen, heard and validated. What do they need to hear today?

• I hear you

• I see you

• All of your emotions are valid

• You are safe

• Your are loved

• You are loving

• You are loveable

• You are enough just the way you are

• You are XXX (use the affirmation that is the opposite of your limiting belief e.g good enough, beautiful, wonderful, clever, strong, funny, kind, whole, good, talented, loved...)

• I am here for you now, you are never alone

• You don't need to be perfect you are human

• It’s ok to make mistakes

Inner Child Support

For more support nurturing your Inner Child please get in touch kim@hapyheads.me and check out my Nurture Your Inner Child Programme I would love to hear from you.

You can also download the Tapping Solution App where I have a 4 Day Inner Child Healing Series. It’s the perfect opportunity to help you reconnect to your inner child. It will enable you to communicate with them, hear what they have to say, gain insight into their limiting beliefs and deeply nourish them in the process. Your inner child really does hold the key to reducing anxiety, overcoming your limiting beliefs, releasing self doubt, overcoming fear and so much more.

Happy Heads - Private Sessions

Would you like a private session with Happy Heads? One to to one sessions are the perfect way to nurture your wellbeing and I always tailor the sessions to your own personal needs.

The sessions consists of breathing techniques, guided meditation, and a full round of Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping). Tapping is a powerful tool at helping you release negative tension held in both your body and mind. It’s the perfect partner to meditation as it helps your brain get to the core route of a problem and takes the emotional / negative charge away from it.

I always provide a full support document after the session and a meditation recording / tapping video for you to use. The sessions are 1hr 30mins and over Zoom.

If you really want to give your mental health a reset and you’re looking for something longer term I have a selection of brilliant programmes for you to choose from:
•Happy Heads Wellbeing Programme
•Happy Heads Burnout Programme
•Nurture Your Inner Child
•Pregnancy, Birth & Beyond
•Happy Heads Grief Support

I always offer a FREE 20 minute consultation call so if you’re interested please get in touch kim@happyheads.me I would love to hear from you xx

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PROCESSING BIRTH WORKSHOP

Giving birth can be a magical experience but for some women the opposite may be true. For many different reasons birth can be traumatic having a lasting impact on their mental and physical wellbeing. The spectrum of trauma is a wide one and can range from PTSD (when maybe a mother nearly lost her life during childbirth) not feeling heard, feeling helpless, having things done without consent, emergency c section, unexpected complications or interventions, long painful labour or anything else that a birthing mother finds traumatic.

You may feel disappointed that childbirth was not the experience you were hoping for. Or you might feel angry with the medical staff if you felt that the delivery wasn't handled well. Your experiences may also make you feel anxious about having another baby in future, in case you have to go through a similar experience during birth. - Mind

Trauma is different for everyone so it's important to reflect on how birth effected you both physically and mentally. Even if you had a planned c section, your body is still experiencing a trauma from being cut open. You may have had a good experience but still wish some things had been handled differently. Perhaps there were times you didn't feel like you were being listened to, patronised or ignored - these are all things that have a lasting impact.

Join me on 23rd March at Midday for my 1hr workshop 'Processing Birth'. It's been specifically designed to:

• Create a safe space for all mothers to process their birth.

• Empower you with tools to calm and ground your energy whenever you need (even when with your baby / children).

• Allow your nervous system to emotionally and physically process your experience.

• Improve the quality of your sleep (the short amounts you do get).

• Reduce stress and anxiety connected to motherhood and everyday life.

• Make you feel seen, heard and validate your emotions.

• Improve your confidence as a mother and overcome any fear of birthing again.

• Nurture your mental and physical wellbeing.

During the 1 hr lunchtime workshop you'll learn:

• Insight into birth trauma, birth PTSD what is it and how it can affect people's mental health.

• Breathing Techniques - to calm and ground your whole nervous system.

• Guided Meditation - to help you identify, process and release any parts of your birth you found challenging.

• Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) - to help bring your nervous system back into balance and overcome any anxious, negative thoughts you might be experiencing.

The workshop is only £20, click below to book or you can email kim@happyheads.me. It will be recorded for anyone who can't watch the live session so you can watch in your own time.

I can’t wait to see you all there.

Big Love

Kim xx

TAPPING FOR TIRED MUMS

Being a mum to a little one can feel really challenging because you are often sleep deprived and that's tough! When you’ve had a bad nights sleep there is a 66% amplification to your brains amygdala (fear response) which means:
- It’s easy to feel more anxious
- Harder to think clearly and focus
- Easier to think negatively
- Harder to self regulate your emotions
- Your nervous system may feel frazzled and more sensitive
- You may feel floaty and like you’re on another planet

Whilst I can’t give you the gift of sleep I do know how to calm your nervous system, which is all you need to do on days when you’ve had zero sleep and you'll be surprised at how much more awake you feel afterwards!
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Watch this video to see how it's done and reset your tired mind 👆🏼
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MENTAL HEALTH POSTPARTUM

“Postnatal Depression was an overwhelming feeling of isolation and fear. It crept up gradually. There was a constant battle going on in my head: biologically I have to look after this small human but I don’t want to be here” Sarah

Becoming a parent is one of the most life changing things you can ever experience. Nothing can really prepare you for how your life is going to change, the love that you’re going to experience and the new situations you’re going to face. In many ways, it's a magical journey but it's also both mentally and physically challenging, pushing you to new limits you never thought possible. You’re functioning on little to no sleep, trying to keep a tiny human alive, your body is still healing from birth, hormones are changing, if you’re a new parent you’re trying to work everything out minute by minute, breastfeeding is often painful to start, you may be recovering from a traumatic birth. On top of all this, many women have partners that go back to work after just two weeks, there are so many reasons why a women's mental health is incredibly vulnerable after birth. Gone are the days when a whole village would help nurture BOTH baby and mother after birth so it’s no surprise that many women struggle with their mental health postpartum. Postnatal depression is a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby. It's a common problem, affecting more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth. It can also affect fathers and partners - NHS

"I had PND for about 6 weeks post birth. I felt overwhelmed with sadness, like a black cloud was over my head and I had no control over it. I didn’t want to feel sad. I couldn’t sleep or relax, I became withdrawn and I cried everyday for no particular reason. I felt drained physically and emotionally” Ella

The baby blues are very common in the first two weeks and I myself remember around day 4 sobbing from extreme pain and exhaustion. My tummy hurt from the major surgery (I’d had a c section as my baby was breach and couldn’t walk properly for about 10 days), I was exhausted, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and I hated the fact I couldn’t pick my baby up properly. Thankfully this was just one day and I was able to put all my calming tools to good use but I can 100% see how easy it is to feel overwhelmed, which is why I want to normalise the conversation around maternal mental health.

"At my lowest point I was devastated. I honestly thought I had ruined my life and I’d never be happy again. I wondered if my family would ever forgive me if I gave my baby up for adoption” Sarah

I wanted to understand Post Natal Depression and the other postpartum mental health problem's in more detail so I spoke with four incredible women about their journey. After all my research and speaking with these women, this is what I've learnt:

PND can affect anyone, even if you have had no previous experience with poor mental health 

PND symptoms can really vary depending on the person but may include:

• Trouble sleeping even when completely exhausted - potential hallucinations from lack of sleep

• Difficulty bonding with your baby & then feelings of guilt for experiencing that emotion 

• A deep feeling of loneliness

• Overwhelmed with sadness, like a black cloud is over your head

• Constantly anxious, unable to relax - potential panic attacks

• Feeling very withdrawn and then withdrawing from others

• Physically and mentally drained

• Physical symptoms may be - tightness in the chest, sore back, headaches, stomach pains, constantly tense, tight jaw, butterflies in tummy, tight throat...

• Frightening thoughts such as harming your baby

• Not feeling like you’re a capable mum, like your baby deserves better

• Doubting your capabilities as a mother 

It can happen gradually without you realising it's happening: 

 "Even though I knew I wasn’t feeling right I never for once thought that I had PND, it just crept up on me slowly” Yvonne

Postnatal Psychosis is more rare but very serious and may include - feelings of mania, feeling depressed, hallucinating, confused, disorientated…

"Within the first three days after giving birth I had not managed to sleep more than a few hours. My mental health deteriorated rapidly and I lost touch with the world around me. I started having both visual and auditory hallucinations along with mania symptoms. There was no mother and baby unit available so I was sectioned within my own house so I could keep my baby with me. My husband and mother cared for both me and my baby and the mental health crisis team visited 4 times a day to give me medication and check how everyone was doing” Holly 

You don’t have to have had a traumatic birth to experience PND or Postpartum Psychosis but it can be a trigger:

 "I had a traumatic birth which resulted in an emergency C-section and found the recovery very difficult. At the time I didn’t feel like my partner understood how much pain I was in physically and mentally, which also made it harder for me”  Ella

 "Birth was traumatic and painful. I felt like I would be failing to have pain relief and so I suffered through 3 days. Towards the end my baby got stuck and she wasn’t breathing when she was born. I swore I would never do it again”  Sarah

“The birth was a positive one. I was able to have the birth as I had planned" - Holly 

Most mums struggle to talk about it through feelings of guilt and confusion that they should be feeling different:

 "I was really confused with my feelings and scared to open up” Sarah

 "I remember feeling so guilty and upset that my girls got me as a Mammy, that they deserved so much better” Yvonne

 "I was confused as to why I was so sad - after all, I had just had a baby which I had been dreaming of for years - but I just couldn’t shake it off” Ella

Every mother I spoke to had a very different journey but the emotions they experienced were all incredibly similar so if you’ve been feeling any of the above - you are not alone! The great news is, nearly all of them were able to overcome PND and Postpartum Psychosis or at least feel like they are coming through the other side but no more feelings of overwhelm.

So if you can relate to any of the above here are a few things you can do/remember:

• Your baby will still love you no matter what, you are the centre of their universe

• Speaking to someone is the first step in getting help - reach out to your local midwife, GP or trusted friend. Contact free helplines such as PANDAS UK (0808 1961 776), Mind (0300 123 3393) or contact me kim@happyheads.me 

• Remember that you are not alone, so many women feel the same and we all need to start normalising talking about maternal mental health to help mothers through this huge transition

• Your emotions are all valid - being depressed does not make you a bad person or mean you are going crazy

• Being a mother is exhausting and hard - you are doing an amazing job even though you may not feel like it

• Your brain is soft wired not hard wired, you won’t feel like this forever and you can transform your mental health with some gentle support 

• Just because you have one bad moment with your child does not mean they will hate you. Rupture and repair is a key part of parenting, you have endless opportunities to love and support your little one

• Remember that you are human, it’s ok to have bad days. Be kind to yourself, always

• Never compare your parenting to someone else’s - especially on social media where you’ll only see the filtered pictures of what is a whole other parenting story

• Prioritise your self care - it’s essential that you put your self care as a top priority when you become a mum. It doesn’t need to be for long each day but it’s absolutely vital you nurture your own energy

• Follow happyheads.me for daily hints and tips on how to look after your mental health. If you go to my IGTV series there are several videos where I show you how to meditate with your baby

• Watch the video below to see a simple breathing technique and Emotional Freedom Technique to help deepen your breathing, calm your nervous system and reframe any negative thoughts

HAPPY HEADS SUPPORT 

If you are struggling in any way here are a few ways I can help:

PND Support Sessions 

I’m going to be running regular online support sessions for women who have struggled with PND and maternal mental health. This will be a safe space for mothers to nurture their wellbeing, process their emotions, rebuild their confidence and ultimately be the best versions of themselves. They will be online sessions, so easy to join from home. If this is something that you’re interested and would like some more information then please get in touch kim@happyheads.me

Parent Wellbeing - Online Course

I have an 8 week online course that has been specifically designed for parents to reduce stress and anxiety,  release self doubt, overcome negative thoughts and improve sleep (the little that you do get). It’s filled with meditations, breathing techniques, Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping), visualisations, understanding the brain and so much more. All created so that you can fit it around your daily routine. Click here for more info x

Pregnancy Birth and Beyond - Online Course

This 12 week course has been designed to support you throughout the whole perinatal journey. Ensuring you remain as calm and relaxed as your baby grows through pregnancy, empowering and preparing you for labour and supporting you postpartum. It’s also filled with guided meditations, breathing techniques, Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping), visualisations, understanding birth and labour, knowing how your brain works and so much more. You’ll come away with a giant 'tool box of calm’ to use whenever you need along your parenting journey. Click here for more info x

Happy Heads - One to One

Private session are a great way for you to work on your own personal needs. For private sessions I’ll send out some questions and then tailor it to your exact needs. It will include breathing techniques, guided meditation and a full round of Emotional Freedom Technique. I teach from my flat in Dalston or via Skype.

I want to stay a HUGE thank you to the women that helped me write this article. Their honesty and journeys are inspiring and I am so grateful they got in touch. Here are some of their words of hope for anyone that needs to hear them right now:

"While you are in the middle of things it can seem like there is no way out but it does get better. It will always be apart of you and your story but so will the determination to carry on despite the now". Holly

"You’re doing everything right. Just keep going, your reward is coming, that little person will hug you back soon” Sarah

"You are not alone! There is help out there. There are mothers that understand how you feel. Seek it, talk about it, and remember that you are doing a great job!” Ella

"I know that it can be the loneliest of places even if you are surrounded by people but you are not alone in the way you are feeling. Ask for help today, I promise it’s the first step in feeling like yourself again” Yvonne

Sending so much love to all the incredible mothers out there trying their best every day, parenting is hard but you are doing an amazing job! Let’s all support each other through this crazy journey and normalise talking about maternal mental health - because it matters.

Kim

Xxx